The Lingering Shadows of Willowbrook

I started my first carpet cleaning company at the age of 23. I have spent a great deal of my working life working in the carpet cleaning industry. When you work as a carpet cleaner you see the full spectrum of economic diversity in America. I have cleaned carpets in homes ranging from opulent multimillion dollar estates to seedy flop houses. I've been called on to clean up after floods, crime scenes, people with up to a hundred cats that used the entire house as a litter box, or after a person has passed away. I have seen the best and the worst of what life has to offer. The range of people that I have met is equally as diverse as the homes and situations that have lead me to be called upon for service. After seeing the type of human suffering that I have seen you begin to develop a hardness, a sort of tough shell that allows you to deal with people that are faced with tragic circumstances. Yet as hard as you become there are images that stay with you and pierce through the hardened shell of your indifference.

One morning I received a call from a landlord who had several low income apartments scattered about in a rust belt city that borders on the Hudson river in upstate New York. She would call whenever she had a turnover so that we could clean the carpets before the next tenant moved in. Most of the jobs involved some sort of problem situation like pet odors, heavy soil or large stains. This particular job entailed cleaning carpets in an apartment that was a boarding house flat occupied by three men. One of the three men had recently been incarcerated for assaulting another man that lived in the apartment. So she wanted to have the carpets cleaned before his replacement moved in. The man who was assaulted had recently cleaned the bathroom and complained to his assailant for urinating on the bathroom floor. A fight broke out and the man who had complained was beaten and thrown through the second story window, shattering the glass and landing in the ally below. Fortunately he escaped with only cuts a bruises. My wife and I drove to the apartment in our carpet cleaning van. The apartment was located in a rundown section of town that was once a working class neighborhood during the height of the industrial revolution and into the early nineteen seventies. But now the homes were in bad disrepair and the area had become very seedy. The landlord brought us into the apartment so that we could estimate the cleaning cost. I immediately smelled a pungent odor of stale cooking, cat urine and filth. The hall and stairs were carpeted with a short shag multicolor carpet that was widely used in low income homes during the 1970's. The center of the stairs were soiled to the point where you could no longer identify what color the carpet was. There were pieces of large debris sitting on top of the face yarn as if the carpet had not been vacuumed in years. At the top of the stairs was a landing that had an old refrigerator and a microwave oven on it. There were three bedrooms each measuring about 9'X12' and a small full bath with a toilet, tub & shower unit and a small hand sink that hung from the wall. The bathroom window that the man had been thrown through was still boarded up. There was no kitchen or dining area nor was there a sink large enough to wash dishes in. Apparently the men would cook their meals in the microwave oven, eat on their beds and wash any dishes in the filthy bathtub that was shared by the three occupants. Words cannot describe the squalor and unsanitary living conditions that these men lived in. We presented the landlord with an estimate and she agree to the price. She asked if it would be alright if the man who had been assaulted stayed in his room while we cleaned his rug. We agreed to that and cleaned the two vacant rooms and the landing before we did his room. I knocked on the door and a small framed man with cuts and bruises on his face answered the door. The man let me in and we engaged in small talk as I was cleaning his carpet. He told me how he ended up living in this apartment. He was once married and worked but he was injured on the job and now has a permanent, partial disability. He said that the lost wage compensation that he receives from New York State Workers Compensation is so low that this is the only housing situation that he can afford. It occurred to me that if he is not killed first the man will live out the remainder of his life in a 9x12 room, eating microwaved food on his bed and washing dishes in a filthy bathtub. His crime was simply becoming disabled while working in New York.


It's easy to point the finger at somebody like this and say that he could do some sort of work. Depending on his disability and skills that may or may not be true. However if you are middle aged, disabled and have a spotty work history the likelihood of obtaining suitable employment is not very good. Being physically able to work and being employable are not the same thing. The laws and programs designed to protect the disabled do nothing to compel or encourage hiring a person that can work nor is there any protection to provide them with a living wage should employment not be available. The Americans With Disabilities Act does not compel employers to hire the disabled. If a person has a spotty work history as a result of being disabled he or she is not even considered for the position. In order for the provision of accommodations to have any real meaning a person would need to be hired first. It is very easy for the HR department to weed out the disabled people intentional or not simply on the basis of work history. To add to the problem not everyone has the skills required to do anything other than be a laborer nor do they have the aptitude to further their education.

I have seen hundreds of these flop houses during my career. Often the people that are living there are disabled and trying to squeak by on an income that is thousands of dollars below the poverty level. Regardless of how you may feel about the disabled if you had ever been inside one of these filthy rat infested apartments it would leave you with a mental image that sticks with you forever. Things have not changed much from a dark period in our history when a reporter named Geraldo Rivera did a documentary called "The Unforgotten" in 1972. It brought to light the horrible living conditions at a New York State run institution for developmentally disabled people called Willowbrook. The occupants lived in filth and endured unspeakable acts of abuse and neglect at the hands of the staff. If not for the documentary by Geraldo Rivera the abuse would likely have continued until today. The New York State run Willowbrook School was in existence from the 1930's until 1987. The school was designed to house 4,000 people but had as many as 6,000 occupants in 1967. Like many New York State institution of it's time people were not referred to by name but instead were called by a number given to them for identification. Much like the case numbers assigned to disabled workers by Workers Comp. Many people that once occupied New York State run facilities like Willowbrook are buried in grave yards where grave markers are marked only by identification numbers. Unless you know the name of the person buried under the marker they are a nameless faceless corpse forgotten by history and left as a memento of a dark period in New York State history. After the Geraldo Rivera report public outcry was such that widespread reform changed the policies regarding the treatment of developmentally disabled people in New York State and Willowbrook was eventually closed.
We like to believe that our society has advanced beyond the mistakes that we made at Willowbrook but when you see the desperately poor people that I have seen living in boarding houses simply because they are disabled you know that we have not changed much since Willowbrook. Although great strides have been made regarding the treatment of developmentally disabled people widespread discrimination and abuse still exists with people with disabilities in New York State. The only real difference between a place like Willowbrook and the flop houses that house the disabled is that instead of six thousand disabled people living in horrid conditions in a single facility they are now spread to flop houses located in slums all over the State of New York. You cannot tell me that the people that oversee the agencies like New York State Workers Compensation and others are blind to the fact that condemning a disabled person to live on compensation that is far below the poverty line is wrong. They are under the delusion that it is what best serves public utility, the majority of citizens in New York are not disabled so the minority are left to suffer. Not only does this ignore the obvious moral implications but it ignores the fact that anyone can become disabled. So having an insurance that provides a living wage to people that cannot work serves the entire populous and not just those who are disabled. Without an angry outcry of the people of New York the disabled are the silent minority just as the people at places like Willowbrook once were. It is rationalized by the idea that it is less expensive to neglect than to serve. If you can wash down a large group of mentally retarded people with a garden hose and a brush it costs the State of New York less to provide their care than it does to bathe them individually. That same line of thought is used in determining the amount paid out in lost wage compensation by New York State Workers Compensation. It is less expensive to provide a person just enough to live in filthy boarding houses than it is to provide a reasonable standard of assistance. But the system supports thousands of lawyers, judges, independent medical examiners and state employees. All of this expense is a drain on the funds that should be going to injured workers. If you eliminate all but an essential few people needed to operate the system you could pay injured workers that cannot work a living wage and it may in fact cost the state less money. Any insurance that does not provide a living wage to a person who is unable to work is unacceptable. If a person can work than the State needs to do everything that it can to assure that they are hired in a capacity suitable to their ability. My feeling is that there should be an adjustable rate disability insurance where the rates that employers pay for insurance decreases in proportion to the number of disabled people a company employs. I agree with those that feel that people that can work should work to the fullest extent of their capabilities. But that is a two sided coin. Employers need to be held accountable to hire disabled people or to pay them not to work if that is how they so chose. New York State Workers Compensation is a carryover from a sad time in our history. It is a shameful system that reeks of the foul stench of times gone by when people thought that institution like Willowbrook provided fair treatment for the disabled. The people of New York State deserve better than this. It is a matter of public utility to have our workers protected by an insurance that provides adequate compensation should a worker become disabled and can no longer work. But to be viable it also needs to compel employers to hire and train people that can work.

Friends of mine have expressed a concern that I may suffer retribution for writing pieces like this. That is a sad statement that we feel that people are not allowed to fight to change unfair laws in a democracy. Think of the thousands of people that must have known what was going on at Willowbrook. Imagine the amount of employees, vendors, contractors, family members of the occupants and New York State officials that knew about the abuse that was taking place at Willowbrook but did nothing to stop it. If not for Geraldo Rivera exercising his right to free speech the abuse would not have been put to rest. You know that Workers Compensation is causing millions of disabled people to live in impoverished conditions. Many disabled people are living far below the poverty level not only in New York State but all over America. If you sit by and do nothing your inaction makes you as complicit as the people who knew about Willowbrook School and chose to do nothing. Your silence allows for millions of people to live below the poverty level simply because they are disabled. A change in the law may someday protect your son or daughter. Even if it only serves to protect people you never know they need your voice to be raised for them.

A gust of wind blows down the back of my neck so I flip up the collar of my jacket and walk staring down at the long shadow I cast on the frost covered leaves. The sun is descending and casts its amber rays through the baron limbs of trees swaying from gusts of November winds. I pause for a moment and stand and listen to the rustle of the leaves blowing across the ground at the Letchworth Village Cemetery. The stillness of my silent reflection is broken by the faint echo of a dog barking in the distance. The steel markers baring only numbers tilting this way and that mark the graves of the people that silent voices had forgotten. Resting here are the souls of those we lost in our complicit acts of silence.

The Power of Positive Thinking

For years pro athletes have kept a secret.  What you think you can do has an enormous effect on what you are able to do.  What you feel you cannot do keeps you from doing what you are actually capable of doing.  They would never be able to rise to the highest level of their sport without having an edge over the ordinary person on the street.  Even guys that eat three pound steaks with mud under their nails and sweat dripping from their brow know the power of positive thinking.   You don't need to drive a hybrid car to a yoga studio to use the power of your mind.  Oddly enough not believing in this makes it not work so if you think it won't work than you are correct.  In fact most people have so much doubt that for the most part it is a bunch of baloney.  But if you think that it will work then it does work so you are also correct.  In fact the stronger your belief is the more powerful it becomes.  The fact that so few people have a strong belief in their ability to effect change with their mind is exactly why so few people ever rise above the fray.  So there is no sense in arguing with someone who differs in opinion about whether positive thinking works or not because whatever you believe about it is true for you.  Obviously if you want to have a more powerful mind and rise above the fray than you need to believe that it will work and practice it with a great deal of effort.

The first thing that you need to understand is that there are basically two levels of thought lets call them awareness and sub-awareness.  If you think and and act on something then you are using your awareness.  If you feel it, dream it, or it happens on its own, its sub-awareness.  You don't need to think to breath or make your heart beat but if something scares you or makes you relax it can change how fast your heart beats and how quickly you breath.  So obviously things that effect your awareness have an effect on your sub-awareness.  So the trick is to use this to your advantage.  Think about your dreams.  Dreams are the thoughts of your sub-awareness.  You don't dream in words but in images.  You see a motion picture of actions that pass before your minds eye while you're asleep.  This is the way that your sub-awareness thinks.  So if you want to tap into the power of the sub-awareness you must create a visual image of what you want.  Some people can close their eyes and see an image of what they want but others can't.  If you are a person that can get a visual image then do that.  If you are not a visual person then form your thoughts with words.  But you have to remember that you create an image with your words.  So you must keep the words all positive or you will spoil the image with negative thoughts.  That sounds complicated until you hear an explanation of it.  Lets say that you break your leg and you want to heal up.  If you say please heal my broken leg you have put an image of you with a broken leg into your sub-awareness.  But if instead you say I have a strong and healthy leg.  You have only put in a positive image.  Did you notice I used the end state by saying I have a healthy leg.  If you say I will have a healthy leg that provides an image of you recovering but not fully recovered.  So always state your desire as an end state of what you want.  You don't want just to work at it ultimately you want to get there.

So how do you use this?  The first thing is to really think about what you want and be very specific.  For instance in the case of the broken leg you want a healthy leg.  If you just ask for good health and you just brushed your teeth your mind may work on good dental health.  Remember it's sub-awareness you really don't know what you are thinking on that level.  So you always want to be very specific.  After you have created a specific desire all in positive terms you need to energize your mind somehow.  Oxygen is fuel for the brain so you need to draw in a larger than normal amount of oxygen but not to the point of hyperventilating.  If you do some deep breathing while concentrating your mental focus on energizing your mind you will in fact increase your mental energy.  Exhale all of the air from your lungs and breath in allowing your stomach to expand.  If you breath using only your chest you are not using your full lung capacity and you are wasting energy by not breathing efficiently.  Take in a full breath and hold it for a one count and exhale.  Do this for ten breaths and resume normal breathing until you feel you can start again.  If you try to do more than ten breaths you may start to hyperventilate and get light headed. Do four cycles of ten breaths resting about thirty seconds between each cycle.  Now you are supercharged and ready to go.  Visualize or speak your image to yourself.  Try to spend a minute or two on it by either repeating it or seeing it.  Once you have done the visualization let it go and don't think about it again.  You have to trust that its there in your sub-awareness.  Its sub-awareness you will not know that it's there but it is.  Did you ever go on a train or car trip and see yourself traveling in your dreams when you go to bed that night?  Things you see are in your sub-awareness you just don't know what you think on that level.  The next step is to relax your mind to the point where you are not using your awareness while remaining awake.  Just like you can't dream unless you're asleep you can't direct the energy of your sub-awareness with without relaxing your awareness but you need to remain awake in order to maintain control.  When you do this you are meditating.  Meditating is not some far out thing its simply clearing your mind of awareness enough that sub-awareness takes over while retaining enough awareness to stay awake.  It's much simpler than that explanation sounds.  After you did your breathing, created your image and let it go, sit with your eyes closed.  Concentrate your mind on breathing in, now breathing out.  Think in and out, in and out...  Keep doing this until the thoughts of the day clear from your mind.  If you catch yourself thinking about anything don't let it bother you just go back to thinking about your breathing.  You don't have an on off switch on your mind.  You drift into the correct state of mind slowly.  If you daydream and allow cluttered thoughts to come in you will fall asleep.  If you drift off to sleep when you wake up realize that this was your mistake and try to correct it by not allowing yourself to think about anything but your breathing.  After awhile you will reach a point where its clear that your mind is relaxed enough were you no longer have to think about breathing.  At that point simply relax and feel the energy flowing and hear the subtle sounds that are around you.  If you find that you begin thinking again go back to concentrating on your breaths.  Do this for twenty minutes once or twice a day. The more often you do this the more power you create.

Stay Active

Even if you are 100% disabled and can no longer work you can still live an active life. You should make it a point to exercise to whatever capacity you can.  If you can walk, take a walk each day.  Walking is very good for you and helps to keep you fit and healthy.  Even if you can only walk a short distance make it part of your daily routine.  Try to increase the distance that you walk every day.  If you are unable to walk move and rotate your arms and legs and try to get a floor exercise routine from your health care provider.  It is important to try and maintain and improve your body.  I highly recommend that you do some form of resistance training.  Depending on your ability you can do this in the pool, using body weight exercises, with resistance tubing, machines or free weights.  Have your health care provider work with you on finding what is best for you.  Resistance training helps to maintain your muscles and the integrity of your joints, improves flexibility, helps to maintain bone density and makes you look and feel better.  Whats not to love!

Another aspect of staying active is to learn new skills.  Try to find something new that you can do to stay active that is within your physical capacity.  If you were a laborer and are now unable to do labor you may find something new that interests you even more.  You really need to stop looking at yourself as a common laborer.  Everyone is blessed with some unique talent that they can develop.  It is simply a matter of exploring your interests and finding what it is that sparks your creativity.  You may be able to obtain a grant to further your education.  I have done this and it was not easy to get my grant approved.  But I was persistent and eventually my persistence paid off.  If you are denied a grant use the knowledge of the staff at the organization to help you find other grant money.  If you learn to make a good appeal and come across as a nice person people will often try their best to help you find other grant money.  If you are seriously disabled I would be hesitant to take out a student loan.  You may find that you are not physically able to work at all and you will have a student loan to pay back.  However if your disability is moderate a student loan may be a good option.  There are some people that are too disabled to work and in that case I recommend that you find a creative outlet to keep your mind active.  If you have a flair for writing start a blog, write poetry or short stories.  You may have expert knowledge in your former trade and be able to write how to articles and sell them on the web.  I have done this and found free software called Open Office that allowed me to create pdf documents that can be easily downloaded to customers.  You have to be willing to explore the web a bit but often times there are free websites that allow you to publish on the web.  You may need to publish free articles but this is a good way to create a following.  Once you have a following you can create a website to sell your e-books.  If you are not a writer you may have a flare for art.  Once you have developed your skills you may be able to get a church or civic group to hold an exhibit and sale of your work.  My point is that if you are creative you can create opportunities to earn a living off of your talent.  But remember it will not be easy and you may have to work quite hard at getting people to buy your work product.  But don't let resistance stop you, if it were easy everyone would be doing it and there would be no place left for you.

Your contribution to society is not limited to earning a living.  You may like to council other disabled people, be active in a religion or volunteer for a civic group.  All of these things are important and somebody has to do them.  Your importance and value are always much greater than what you do to earn a living.  It is very important to have something to do and feel that you contribute in some way.  You need to explore what interests you and try to become a part of it.  Spiritual growth is larger than any religion.  You can be an atheist and still be a spiritual person.  It is a matter of fellowship and personal growth.  We all have a need to find exceptence and love.  There are so many ways to do this I could not possibly list them.  If you are not finding your thing ask a friend to help you come up with ideas.  Your thing is out there you need to keep a positive attitude and stay active. 

Cheerleaders

After 15 years of being disabled I have found that there are people that will help me out if I seek them out and provide them with a good appeal.  In business they call these type of people cheerleaders.  It is impossible to go it totally alone.  If you want to find work or receive medical care or disability benefits you need other people to work on your behalf.  The people that have helped out made a major impact in my life.  Even if they did nothing other than provide a kind word or two.  When you are disabled you draw people from extreme ends of the spectrum.  They either feel that you are faking it to get something that you don't deserve or they are sympathetic to your plight.  Appreciate the ones that help you out and never forget to thank them for their assistance.  Tempers tend to run high when you're in pain and at times you will act badly.  Remember to apologize to your supporters when you find that the pain caused you to lose your cool.  Well meaning people often misunderstand what you feel and can't understand why you can't do things right away when they request them. Take a moment to cool your temper and explain that you will do what they want when you feel better.  You have to remember people don't know your level of pain.  Cheerleaders are hard to come by you have to treat them with respect and kindness or you will lose their support.

One In A Million

Firefighters, wounded soldiers, cops, teachers, mom's and maybe even you all suffer from pain on a daily basis.  People discriminate, pain is an equal opportunity disabler.  My name is John Rutnik and I was in an auto accident in 1995 that left me with a very painful, permanent, partial, disability.  Using whatever criteria they use to assess this doctors have rated me as having a permanent disability.  I tell you that this is entirely subjective and that a person's ability is infinite regardless of his or her circumstances.  I am a Certified Personal Trainer, I exercise, lift weights and work.  I have every reason to sit and complain and do nothing, but I also have every reason not to do that.  People can act as anchors or as sails.  You can help to create opportunity or impede the effort of a person.  This includes the person who is disabled as much as the people that effect the laws that govern them.  By coming here and reading this you have become a sail.  You have decided to be one in a million.  I want to have one million people read this blog by my birthday on May 15.  I took on this project to show that chronic pain does not have to stop people dead in their tracks.  Your pain may keep you from living an ordinary life but it does not have to stop you from living an extraordinary life.  I have taken on this project to get this message started.  But I am limited to the network of people that I know.  You know people and they know people and if each person spends the few minutes it takes to copy and paste the link on to facebook and pass the message on to their contacts we can have the million people we need.  This costs nothing to do.  You can sit and complain about people getting paid for doing nothing or you can do something about it.  If you chose to do nothing than you have no right to complain.  In your hands you have the power to reach millions of people.  Spend just a few minutes of your time on the web to do something positive.  I would like to thank you for being a sail to the millions of people who suffer from chronic pain. 

Exercising With Chronic Pain

I am rated at a 75% disability rating and suffer from chronic pain but I exercise every day including lifting weights four days per week.  I started lifting weights again a year after my back surgery which I had in 2003.  At the time I could not walk more than just a few feet without going into spasm.  The pain was beyond belief.  But even the strong narcotic drugs that I had been prescribe were not proving any relief.  So I decided to take action.  At the time I could not walk up or down stairs and my home gym machine was in my basement.  But I have a walk in basement so I would walk through knee deep snow enduring painful spasms to get down to the gym room.  I would do a one hour full body workout using a universal home gym machine.  After I would train I would sit in a chair with the stim machine on my back.  After several months my condition improved.  I began reading books on bodybuilding and conditioning.  After training for about 5 years I studied to be a personal fitness trainer.  I completed the program and got my ISSA certification.  The secret to training with pain is to do a daily assessment of how you feel.  If you are in a great deal of pain ease into your exercise even slower than you would normally do.  Be sure to perform a warm up that is enough to raise your core temperature.  Usually a four minute brisk walk on the treadmill or on an exercise bike will due.  You don't want to wear yourself out just warm up.  Always do a little move around session, bend, reach, and rotate your arms, trunk and legs.  I like to have people do twenty of a given move.  Than when you start lifting start out by doing your first set at about 25% of the maximum that you can lift one time and do it for ten reps.  Than do 50% of your max for ten reps.  Once you are ready to do your work sets use a weight that you can lift for 8-12 reps but no more.  Once you reach the point were you can no longer do another rep in good form stop.  Rest 2-3 minutes and do it again for a total of 3-4 sets.  Once you can do 13 reps increase the weight but never by more than you can lift for 8 reps.  You want to have an exercise for your quadriceps, hamstrings, chest, shoulders, upper back, lower back, biceps, triceps and abdominal muscles.  I like to start new trainees out on resistance bands.  They are much easier on your joints and connective tissue than free weights.  They are also easy to store and don't require a great deal of space to use.  After about 2 months I begin to switch many exercises over to free weights.  Free weights are a more natural type of training than a resistance band.  But some people like to stay with resistance bands which is fine also.  The trick is to feel out what you like and what feels best to you.  If you are in a great deal of pain try taking some time off but not too long.  I often find that exercising light is better than taking time off.  Also remember there are a lot of exercises.  If something hurts try something else.  You have to keep working to find a fit for you.  Good luck and good training.   

Disband Workers Comp

If you have a work related injury and are dealing with Workers Comp I know what you are going through.  It is a highly adversarial system that was born out of the battle between labor and management that started during the industrial revolution.  The system is based on the premise that if you claim to be injured you are likely faking, or at least exaggerating in order to get out of working.  This is all done under the guise of offering workers protection should they become injured.  Even when a doctor confirms that you are in fact injured his opinion is not final and has to be debated by a hearing board.  If a person were cynical enough to believe that workers as a whole are group of underclass people who will lie cheat and steal to get out of doing an honest days work as the system suggests, why would their doctor lie?  What would he or she possibly get out of misrepresenting an injury on their behalf?  Think about all of the expense that goes into supporting the system, the lawyers, judges, administrators, and support staff.  It costs far more to have this system than it would cost to simply have a straight insurance fund and to create employment opportunities that are suitable to disabled workers.  The only people who benefit from the system as it stands are those that are employed by it.  One of the biggest problems is that the system simply has too many flaws to be fixed. The majority of workers that become permanently partially disabled are low paid laborers.  Most people are living from paycheck to paycheck before they get hurt.  With the way that comp pays out they will only be compensated a fraction of what they were earning.  If you were working at or below the poverty level before you were injured you certainly will not survive on a fraction of that.  There are two problems that exist the first is that any insurance fund needs to be based upon what amount you need to live and not on what you had once earned.  If you don't do this the injured person will not be able to live on what they receive and the insurance is worthless.  The second problem is the insurance needs to be based upon employable and not a disability rating.  If a person is only partially disabled but no one will hire him because of his limitations his situation is no different than a person that is 100% disabled.  How can you say to a person that he or she is capable of working if in fact their is no suitable employment opportunity available.  The system simply does not work because it does not provide any real protection at all to workers.  It is a ploy to keep labor from having the right to sue management should they become disabled.  That is the reality of it.  The system needs to be disbanded and replaced by a system that actually functions as an insurance program that protects workers.         

Dealing With Ignorance

It has been a struggle of mine to keep a positive attitude when at times people around me have such a negative opinion of what I do. Since I have been in the accident in 1995 I have successfully completed many things. I have obtained a certification as a marine outboard motor and stern drive technician, obtained an AAS in electronics, worked 2 years for Intel Semiconductor, ran a successful janitorial company for 3 years, obtained a certification as a person trainer. Yet people that are closest to me still seem to want to get their digs in. Their have been periods of time when I was unable to find suitable employment. It is not simply a matter of wanting to work. I have to find an available job that I am capable of doing and a person willing to hire a 75% disabled person. More often than not the comments take the form of a passive aggressive statement. Like "what will you be doing while your wife is working tomorrow?" If I confront them they hide behind a thin veneer of deniability. If I try to explain how limited my options are they turn a deaf ear to it. I associate this with the adage is the glass half empty or is it half full. I am 75% disabled even looking in the best light my glass can only be a maximum of 25% full. If I am working to the fullest capacity of that 25% than I am doing 100% of my capability. I never see anyone defending my right to work. There is never any constructive effort at all on their part. That is totally up to me. Whatever truth they may think they know about me is certainly not my truth. What anyone else may think or feel cannot be what defines me.
I have learned to regard people as ignorant that don’t understand my struggle. If the situation were reversed I hope that I would be more understanding. However their ignorance cannot deter me from doing what I want to do. That is the thing that people don’t seem to understand. Their negative comments effect my ability to function and cope with the pain. I am always dealing with pain as best I can. The life lesson that has taken me many years to learn is to disregard anyone who does not support me for my effort because they are ignorant. I don’t assign any anger or hurt to what they say. If someone lacks the common sense to realize that being disabled presents you with challenges that you have to work around than how much weight can you place on the validity of what they say or think about you. It requires that you have a dispassionate disregard for their ignorance. Forgive them and move on.

Keeping Your Steam Up

When you are in pain it is a constant drain on your motivation.  You want to do things but you don't always have the energy or desire to do what you want to do.  Often times it is easier to start a task than it is to complete one. The initial drive and desire to bring about change is not enough to keep us motivated for the long haul. We struggle to find any reason why our motivation wanes with time. Motivation is an energy of thought centered upon a desire to change what we find undesirable. But thoughts are not tangible so it is difficult to see them as having substantive value. But at the same time we feel the very real effect of lacking the motivation to do what is needed in order to reach our goals. Obviously in order to stay motivated you have to accept that thoughts have real power over what we do. You have to begin to think in terms of a discrete state in which you thoughts are either of a positive or a negative polarity. You need to create a positive pool of intellectual energy that fuels your desire to create change. That is the very definition of motivation.
It is easy for me to speak in general terms about the concept of motivation. But to serve you a plate full of sanctimonious platitudes about the power of positive thinking does not help you to know how to stay motivated. You need a plan of action that you can easily implement and use to stay motivated. It is a simple two step process, evaluate and do, its that simple. The first step is to take inventory of your thoughts. For an entire day keep a tally of all of the positive or negative thoughts that you have, hear or read in a single day. I think that you will be amazed at how many more negative thoughts you are exposed to than positive ones. It has become a cultural norm to complain, bad mouth, bash and berate. If you spend any time on Facebook than you know that negative comments will usually get much more feedback than positive ones do. So naturally people are more inclined to post negative comments than positive ones. But why are these people negative? People are negative for two reasons, they are being rewarded by the acceptance of others and they are not content with their current situation for some reason. Is there a causal relationship between being negative and being discontent. Absolutely! Suppose that you break your leg and you are out of work for three weeks. To one person this might be seen as an unexpected three week paid vacation, to another it is a miserable stroke of bad luck. Both people are dealing with the very same situation however the polarity of their thinking is from opposite sides of the spectrum. This brings me to the second step that you need to implement in order to stay motivated. Hold your self accountable for your thinking. Now that you are able to recognize positive and negative thoughts staying motivated is simply a matter of keeping your thoughts positive. As simple as this is it is also very difficult to do however it becomes easier with time. I said it was simple I never said that it would be easy. Once you begin you start to condition your mind to stay on course even when seemingly bad things happen you find the good in them. In time you become quite proficient at this and motivation becomes a given and despair becomes an elusive concept. These two things are also on polar opposite ends of thought so reversing the state of your thinking reverses the polarity of your perspective of problems that you encounter. Thoughts have power its up to you to direct this power to reach your goal.

The Key To Motivation

One area that people often struggle with is motivation. This is even more true if you are in pain.  But pain does not define who you are or what you can do.  The key is to stay motivated and keep a positive outlook. Think of motivation as a compound that is made up of three elements. The three elements are desire, determination, and discipline. These are what are known as the three D’s. Any endeavor starts with the desire to achieve an end result. But this desire can be just a passing fancy that you set out to do on a whim or as serious as a life path that you set out upon. The amount of energy you apply will be proportional to the amount of desire that you invest in attaining your goal. Determination is the resolve to reach a goal regardless of what obstacles are placed in your path. Nothing worth achieving is ever easy to obtain. If it were easy everybody would be doing it and there would be nothing special about attaining it. Discipline is something that needs to be continually practiced. There are always distractions which draw us away from working toward the goals we set for ourselves. To bring a dream to fruition we must continually work at doing the things that are necessary in order to reach our intended destination. To succeed you need to maintain a high level of all three of the D’s.
The next area that you need to focus on is called the locus of control. Some people feel that things outside of their influence determine their ability to reach their goals while other feel that it is their efforts that determine their outcome. The truth is that it is both, however you can only directly influence the things that are within your ability to control. Your personal feelings about your ability to control factors influencing attaining a goal is known as your locus of control. You cant control things that you do not have the ability to influence. So you must focus your energy upon the things that you have control over. That is not to say that you should ignore outside influences. Obviously you need to be aware of all of the factors effecting your ability to reach your goal whether they are internal or external. But your energy needs to be placed on navigating a path to success using those thing on which you have the ability to influence.
People that surround play a big part in your motivation. Some people are anchors and create a drag on you as you try to move ahead. They are the naysayer’s that disbelieve that you have the ability or are envious that you do. Others for one reason or another do not want to help you in any way. Regardless of their motivation you have to ignore them. It is not easy to do because they are often family or friends but you have to not take their negativity to heart. Other people are sails and create positive energy that helps you reach your goal. Their influence helps to move you ahead but they are a rare find. Often when you seek people out to act as a sail you find that they are an anchor. As discouraging as this is you have to take the hit and move on. It is mission critical that you do this. The acts of other people are outside of your of your control.
There will become a time when past successes will reward you for your efforts. But long droughts can precede any reward. But success is not measured by attainment alone. You have to remember to reward yourself for having the desire to work toward your goal, the determination to continue in the face of adversity and the discipline to do the right stuff even when the reward does not seem to be anywhere in sight.